At a Barber's shop.

Today it's Saturday, so it's my holiday. So I did something about what I was thinking since last month. Some part of my body were growing rapidly and I was worried about it. Even my wife complained about it to me so many times. Now don't try to use your dirty brain I am talking about my hairs. Head hairs to be precise. So I woke up early today morning at 10 after my alarm clock yelled "Wake up you creeper, I am tired". Yep sometime miracle happens. I knew it's Saturday so there will be a long queue at the Barber's shop but I was ready for the fight. Though when Australia lost against Srilanka and India were out of the CB series I decided to not to cut my hair till India's next win but then again my wife said "Ha!!If you are betting on India then after a few months you will look like Lasith Malinga or Arindam Chaudhary." So I dropped the idea because as you know who wants to look like Malinga or Arindam in this recession time.

Okay if you are still reading this you are my good friend. :P

So I went to the Barber's shop and this is what happened there:

(1). One line you never want to hear first up at the barber's shop: Hello sir, welcome, will you please sit and read magazines for a while?.

Well sure, what else I can do. I'll sit and read these magazines which you bought when you opened this shop almost 15 years ago. Even if the magazines are older than A.K.Hungal.

Out of curiosity or don't know why this time I asked the main barber of the shop (Main Barber= The guy who oils his hairs more that Chitrangdha Singh): Why you never change these magazines, at least buy some new ones?.
He replied "There is a reason behind it, last time when I changed something at this shop my neighbor's pet mouse poisoned himself, so since then I stopped.

Yes, barbers have some epic logic, more weird than Rahul Gandhi's "We can't stop every terrorist" thingy.

(2). Barbers like News Channels a lot, every fucking time you visit you will find them watching Aaj Tak. I was hell bored waiting for my turn so I requested "Will you please change the channel?".
He said: Why? News Channels are the best.

I was not willing to let him win again so I asked again: What? Best? How? All they show is "Some Ghantadhari Babas (Those who can pull a train using an eyebrow), some astrologers (Those who tell you how your life can change if you wear Yellow, follow him and people will call you nuts), some Cricket experts (Those who were once got kicked out of the team) and a Sansani guy (Who have a pony tail and have nothing to tell).

He responded: Still we can stay updated watching this?

I added: So what? All you gonna do is cut people's hairs and make them look uglier. Haha!!

He didn't liked it so I decided to Shut Up.

(3) Well after a long wait it was my turn to sit on the hot seat, hot because people were farting on it since morning. I got the youngest prof to get my hair done. I was worried because he was a newcomer and earlier shouted "Oh Damn these oily hands of mine" while cutting someone else's hairs. So all in all I was terrified.

He asked me the moment I sat on the chair: How you like your hairs?

Me: Black.

He gave me a look. Look = The one a hooker gives you after counting the money.

I said: Haha (Laughed just to make myself a bit comfortable), was trying to be sarcastic. Can you give me a Balotelli hairstyle?.

He was as confused as a baby in a strip club.

I added: People who watch "Aaj Tak" don't know who Balotelli is. Hahaha.

This time the main barber gave me the same hooker look. I again decided to shut up because they were all equipped with troublesome weapons.

He started his work and we were going good until he cut my cheek with his blade. There was blood all over my face.

He saw it and reacted immediately by saying " Ah!! No worries, just a small cut (That moment I thought this guy is a butcher and this is his part time job), a little bit of Dettol (Dettol = Local whiskey packed in a Dettol bottle, burns your ass) and everything will be fine.

Meanwhile a fly decided to rest on my nose. And it was so annoying. I tried to remove her but the newcomer barber said "Don't move, I don't have any Dettol now". So I settled down but then again my nose started itching. Horrible 2 minutes those were. (Though somewhere in my head I thought that one day I am gonna chase this fly to hell and will fuck her like a beast).

But thank God it finished. My new hair style was cool and funky. I realized it after the sweeper winked at me.

In the end he asked me for a massage and I was so stupid to say "YES".

He did his massage job (Job is not the only ones you think of).

I thanked him by saying "Thanks for beating me up, now I am fearless".

I paid him money and came back home "Happy and Alive".

As expected my wife said "WTF is this, I told you to go to a hairstylist".

Thank you for reading.