Eat yummy, forget tummy.

NOTE: This is not a true story.

Hi friends, it’s been a long time since I've wrote something here. It’s 2 am and I just realized that I don’t have any good topics in my mind to write a blog post. It distracted my sleep totally. So, I thought of giving it a try.

So, today we will talk about “Weight Loss”. No, I am not gonna give you nice weight losing tips. Why this idea?

Because my wife is trying too hard to make me lose some weight nowadays. Here are some logics of her for what I should lose my weight:

(A) I use more bathing soap. (I said I’ll stop bathing).

(B) I cover more of the bed. (I said she could sleep in the kitchen).

(C) I don’t look good. (I said I’ll start hanging out with even more fatter guys).

(D) The suit fabric costs a lot.

(E) Shirt’s buttons are expensive.

(F) One can broke his/her arm while hugging me. And many more…

And here are some points related to the “Weight Loss” thingy, hope you guys will have fun reading them.

(1). Baba Ramdev: This dude is really popular amongst all the generations. Though I think he could have been more popular if he was a belly dancer but still Baba Ramdev helps you lose your weight just by doing some ASAN. Though nowadays his favorite Asan is “PRASH-ASAN”. I could have tried Baba Ramdev but he is too scary for me especially early in the morning. I mean, this guy moves like a Black Ninja. The only thing I like about Baba Ramdev is his “Point of view”, he sees all kinda people with one eye. Anyway, we won’t talk about his “Cheer-Haran” in Ramlila Maidan, that’d be inappropriate.

(2). Shilpa Shetty: Well, another great yoga guru. I almost agreed on her, I even bought the CDs. I started exercising early in the morning or sometime late night too but then some legend told me that “Watching Shilpa’s erotic yoga and masturbating cannot help you lose weight, and the sperms are too light to make an impact on the whole body weight”.

(3). Diet: Yes “DIET”. See, there is a “DIE” in this word.

The other day my wife told me that from now on everything will be “Green” on your plate. And I was like “Green”? Yuck! I hate Pakistan, I hate South Africa, I hate Australia and I hate GREEN. But just to keep her happy I started drinking DIET Coke with cheese sandwiches.

And the old saying is that “You are what you eat”, who wants to be YUCK by eating those diet food.

In the end this Diet Chart thing is quite similar to the New Year Resolutions thingy, everyone prepares it with lot of excitement, follows it for one day………but the next day you are off of it.

(4). Doctor: I even visited a doctor to consult this issue. He told me to eat a lot of “Sea-food”, so now whenever I “see food” I eat it. He also suggested that “Sex” is the greatest exercise but he kicked my ass out of the office when I asked him “Can you arrange?”

(5). Exercise at home: I was forced to jog early in the morning. It was fun, until my wife found out about the Doughnut Shop nearby the park.

My wife almost killed me when I asked her a simple question “Shouldn't we call yawning a workout? I mean hands up in the air, legs spread and mouth open & shut is quite an exercise”.

(6). The Gym: This was a cool idea actually. I mean, first you pay a lot of money to buy food then you eat that food and you gain weight. And finally you pay again to the gym centre to lose weight. What’s the point?

Gym is also a very scary place. The very first day I asked my trainer “Will I look like you if I come here regularly?” He said “Yes, of course” And I ran off from there.

(7). The Time Table: I wonder why every woman in the world thinks that doing things at the right time makes you look beautiful?

But as you know where there is a will there is a way, its 2:15 am and I am eating noodles and writing this crap.

(8). Dance and Karate: Then someone suggested me to Dance everyday, but soon my neighbors sued me for Noise Pollution.

(9). Swimming: I searched on the internet and the most suggested thing for losing weight was ‘Swimming’, but it was too embarrassing to show off the tummy in front of all those slim trainers.

(10). Work more, eat less: Last but not the least, this is what every other person suggests, even my boss too, though his theory is “Work more, get paid less”.

Now when nothing is working, my wife put a note on the refrigerator which reads “Service is closed due to heavy inflation”.

So this is what I went through in last few days. Though by all the hard work I’ve done I almost lost 500gms and 5000 bucks. So don’t eat much and exercise regularly so that I don’t get jealous of anyone I know. Thanks for reading.

Don’t worry go foody.