Dear stress, let's break up.

Hello friends, welcome again. It's Friday and I am on a leave. My right foot got injured and I went through a minor foot surgery just now. So, I can't walk for a week now. And I am already tired and bored of resting on the bed. So I decided to kill some time by writing some random shit. Here are some Bad-Vices and some witty notices. Hope you guys will have fun reading them.









(1). A loving Dad giving his son an awesome advice on his honeymoon trip with this note:


Dear Son,

Be safe, use condom, I don't want you to regret it the way I do.

Yours,
Papa.




(2). Issued in Indian public interest:


Dear Indians,

Pay taxes regularly and help our country progress.

Sincerely,
Swiss People.



(3). A short letter to Fair and Handsome:


Dear Fair And Handsome,

You suck.

By,
Tall, dark and handsome.



(4). Some movie shit:


Dear Gadar,

You guys are so unpatriotic. Your hero yanked out a Lal Bahadur ruthlessly.

Sincerely,
Peepli Live.



(5). Fair bit of treatment for our politicians:


Dear IQ of politicians,

Why you no grow like me.

Yours,
Mehngai.



(7). Voice in the head of all the men:


Dear Women,

Let us talk too.

Love,
Men.



(8). The only thing which can stop Ekta Kapoor:


Dear TV Serials,

The shit ends here, well hopefully.

Sincerely,
The Mayans.



(9). The only fan of Ekta:


Dear Ekta Kapoor,

Yes, Balaji rocks.

Yours,
Laxmipati (The Cricketer).



(10). Opportunity for Rohit Sharma:


Dear Rohit Sharma,

Why you no join our team mate?

Love,
Gone in 60 seconds team.



(11). The whisper guy:


Dear Rajeev Shukla,

Howdy brother?

Love,
Dinosaurs.



(12). A request to India TV:


Dear India TV,

Feature me please.

Sincerely,
A Baba who can pull a train using just an eyebrow.



(13). The pissed off Lord:


Dear Akhilesh Yadav,

Look at your nose, God, this is so unfair.

Lord Voldemort.



(14). Thank you note to Rehman Malik:


Dear Rehman Malik,

Thank you, now we believe Pakistan is not a country of GUNS, its a country of GUNS and GOONS.

Sincerely,
The Planet Earth.



(15). The Facebook effect (side):


Dear Facebook,

Why you no let us FACE-BOOK.

Love,
Students.



(16). The perfect game for Malinga:


Dear Malinga,

Why you no play with us?

Love,
The Dart Players.



(17). The two most young person in the world:


Dear Shahid Afridi,

You are my elder brother, no matter how old or young you are.

Yours,
Rahul Gandhi.



(18). Women vs Twitter:


Dear Twitter,

140 characters, you mad.

Sincerely,.\
Women.



(19). Though of a married man:


Dear TV Remote,

I hope you are under the couch cushion or behind the bed.

Love,
Married men.



(20). One for me:


Dear "You are what you eat",

You are funny, I don't remember eating anything so humorous.

You
ME.



So this is it. Now the pain is getting worse so I am off to some sleep. Hopefully the jokes made you laugh. Thank You for reading. Have a great weekend ahead. :)

The perfect combos of Netas and Abhinetas.

Hi, welcome again. This is my 29th post. Can't believe I persisted on for this long. Anyway, The week went well.

We all turned patriotic once again on the Independence Day, Manmohan Singh spoke after a long long time. It was good to know that our PM can still talk.

Digvijay Singh passed some regular idiotic comments on Team Anna, Ramdev, RSS etc etc. Well, you don't learn to swear until you know Digvijay Singh.

Salman Khan's new movie "Ek The Tiger" released, all shows houseful,now I know how Congress wins every election, people who watch Salman Khan's movies vote for Congress. In simple words "We Indians like stupidity". Well, maybe Salman drinks a hell lot of Thums Up before shooting. And FYI after drinking Thums Up a human turns into a monkey. So, be careful.

So to hail the spirit of stupidity I thought of writing this, here I'll tell you which actor can play which politicians perfectly. It's a mind boggling stupid idea, I know.





Hope you guys will like it and feel good while reading it as I am feeling really good writing this.


(1). Tusshar Kapoor: This dude can play our very own PM Manmohan Singh to perfection. Because first of all, Tusshar is so good at not talking. Second, his face is as expressionless and pale as Manmohan Singh's. The only thing which give these guys a bit of a competition when it comes to expressions is "A sack full of potatoes". Another similarity is that Tusshar is a part of all the "Golmaals" that happened is last few years and so is Manmohan Singh. Lastly, Manmohan Singh's life and career totally depends on a woman (You know her), the same goes with Tusshar (Ekta, you know her too).


(2). Uday Chopra: I am sorry that I called this guy an actor. But he can certainly play our next PM (Most probably) Rahul Gandhi very well. Look, Uday Chopra is the son of the great Yash Chopra (One of the biggest names in Indian Cinema) whose accent is weird. On the other hand Rahul Gandhi is the son of the great Sonia Gandhi (Again, one of the biggest names in Indian Politics) whose accent is weird too. Uday blows everything his father serves him in the plate, Rahul Baba does the same. Remember all the flop films of Yashraj and UP elections. Rahul Gandhi wants a bigger role and Uday too. Uday's only popular dialogue is "MUMMY" from Dhoom and Rahul Gandhi's most popular dialogue is same too. So, in conclusion these guys have a lots of things common. Perfect combination.



(3). Abhishek Bachchan: Akhilesh Yadav, well yeah, the names sound similar. Akhilesh and Abhishek. Both are alive and in limelight because of their fathers' popularity. Ironically, Angry young man is popular for his soft nature and Mulayam is popular for his anger. Abhi and Akhi both trends on Twitter sometimes because of their wives. Abhi has a long list of flop films while Akhi has a long nose. Long story short, good combo.



(4). Rakhi Sawant: Our very own Sushma Swaraj. Rakhi and Sushma both can talk nonsense for like hours. Plus both are very good DANCERS. Ha! Flabbergasting, isn't it? !!



(5). Akshay Kumar: The one and only Lalu Yadav. Yes, the same Lalu who turns LOK-SABHA into a LOL-SABHA when starts talking. Anyway, Akshay and Lalu both think that they are the leads but they could have done a much better job if they were comedians.



(6). Poonam Pandey: The yog guru turned politician Baba Ramdev. Same clothing sense, same hairstyle, same belly. Both love walking naked and most of the time in the news because of effete controversies.


(7). Mithun Chakraborty: The newly appointed Pranab Mukherjee. Both are from Bengal, both's nickname is DADA. More importantly now after becoming the president Pranab Da's role in Indian Politics is as crucial as Mithun Da's role in D.I.D. is.



So, this is it. Though there are a lot more politicians and actors who are similar to each other. Like Sunny Deol and Nitin Gadkari (His name should be HAD-KARI or HAD-CURRY) as both have 2.5 kg hands. Or Jeetendra and N.D.Tiwari, both has the same thinking "I should have used a condom" and many more.

Hope you guys had fun reading this. Do tell your views. Thank you :)

Love marriage vs arranged marriage.

So we are here to debate about “Love marriage and arranged marriage”. Though I am against all kinds of marriages because I am a married guy myself but still I think Arranged Marriages are better. There are a few reasons behind why I like arranged marriages:


(1). Coz mine is a love marriage.

(2). Coz in arranged marriage you have someone to put the blame on.

(3). Coz the fights and the arguments starts when you totally know each other. And in arranged marriage it takes a lot of time.

(4). Coz it is more adventurous, exciting and surprising than the love marriages.

How exciting it would be to meet a totally unknown person who has no expectations from you. Both will try to impress each other which will make their lives more exciting and fun. Ah! This thought is tempting.

There are few reasons why I don’t like Love Marriages:

(1). More often love marriages proceeds like this:
We are made for each other.
We are mad for each other.
We are maid for each other.


(2). Marriages are made in heaven, but love marriages are made in Chinese Heaven. Never lasts longer.

(3). When you first fall in love you pretend to be a superhero to impress him/her. After marriage when they know the real you (because you don’t have to impress him/her anymore), big disappointment.

(4). When you screw up your love marriage there is nowhere you can find a shoulder to cry on. Plus your parents will scold you for not listening to them.


So these are the reasons why I prefer arranged marriage more than love marriage. Hope you enjoyed reading it. To know more about it, check this page Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage.
Thanks.

पडोसन की बेटी

Hi friends, Blogging is fun now, it makes me feel good about myself, so here I am again. Today I am trying something really different, as legend said a good writer is one who can write anything so I tried to show a little versatility here. Though I don't want to become a professional (I can't actually), I write for fun, it's fun for me and I hope it is fun for the readers too. So here is a poem and that too in Hindi (Sorry for the grammatical errors I made there as this is my first time), hope you guys will like it.



आज सुबह जो खिडकी से बाहर झाँक के देखा तो,
पडोस के घर मे आयी नयी पडोसन की बेटी रेखा को,
अपने कोमल हाथों से कर रही थी अपने बालों को Brush,
बस इक ही झलक मे बन गयी थी वो मेरा पहला Crush,

उनके दिदार जो हुए तो दिल से आह निकली, आखोँ से वाह निकली,
कुछ और भी कहीं से निकला था, शायद उदर से जहरीली हवा निकली,
Early morning coffee ने शायद कर दिया था शुरू अपना असर,
बेचैन अपने दिल को समझाके जा बैठा मैं अपनी toilet seat पर,

Hot seat पे बैठते ही चँचल मन मेरा कळपनाओं की उडान भरने लगा,
खयालों में ही सही मै रेखा जी से जी भर के romance करने लगा,
सपना तब टुटा जब पेट में कुछ तहलका सा महसुस हुआ,
थोडी सी कशमकश के बाद बडा हळका सा महसुस हुआ,

खुराफाती भेजे मे बस एक ही सवाल था कि कैसे उसे पटाऊँ,
किस Topic पर बात करूँ कैसे अपना Impression जमाऊँ,
फिर सोचा कि कयुं ना उनहे इक Love Letter लिख डालुं,
Internet से चुरायी गजलोँ के दम पे ही उनसे हाँ भरवालुं,

उसे निकलता देख मैं भी नहा धो के अपने कायॆलय के लिये निकला,
आगे आगे हिरनी की तरह चल रही थी वो तभी उसका पाँव फिसला,
मैं Hollywood के Hero की तरह लपका और उसे अपनी बाहों मे थाम लिया था,
वो तो Bike के Horn ने जगाया और पता चला की मैं तो सपना देख रिया था,

सपना जो टुटा तो देखा की वो किसी Handsome नौजवान के साथ निकल चुकी थी काफी दुर,
मैं अभागा ताकता ही रह गया, जाते जाते कर गयी वो मेरे दिल को चकनाचुर,
शाम को लौटा तो माँ ने बताया कि रेखा जी तो हैं शादीशुदा,
और बस युं ही दो Love Birds मिलने से पहले ही हो गये जुदा,

मन बडा उदास था, जैसे एन.डि.तिवारी का अधेड उम़ मे बाप बनने से हुआ था,
मैं गहरे कुंअे मे गिरे लोटे सा, और ये जालिम जगत जैसे कोइ गहरा कुंआ था,
चेहरे की रंगत उतर गयी जैसे मनमोहन की उतरती है सोनिया के डाँटने के बाद,
लिख रहा हुं ये सब इसिलिये कि शायद दिल का बोझ उतर जाये बाँटने के बाद,

पँचम दा की मधुर धुन मे, इसी उधेडबुन मे, मैं चादर ओढ़ के सो गया था,
नींद ना आयी रात भर, करवटें बदलते बदलते ही उजाला हो गया था,
फिर खिडकी से बाहर झाँक के देखा तो पडोसन की छोटी बेटी मीना जुळफें संवार रही थी,
अंतरमन का ठरकी फिर से जागा, फिर से दिल कि गंगा जोरों से उछालें मार रही थी,

मेरे दिल के तार झंक़त हो उठे, मन मयुर नाच उठा,
पृभु कामदेव को याद कर, खुद को निहारा मैने काच उठा,
सोचा बाल कम हैं तो ‌कया, यही तो आजकल का Fashion है,
इस Trend को वो ना समझी तो कह देंगे भैया Recession है,

इन प़ेममयी विचारों को लिये हमने फिर खिडकी से बाहर नजर दौडायी,
वो ना जाने कहाँ छुप गयी थी, नजर आया उसका पहलवान भाई,
मन मे ‌भय एैसा जागा, जैसे राहुल बाबा को देख किसी गरिब दलित में जागता है,
मैं उठ के एैसा भागा, जैसे Tom को देख कर के Jerry भागता है!!

Thank you for reading. Do tell your views about this post. :)