Hi everyone, this week was a really happening one for India. Lots of things happened, few good few bad. Like India went to London for Olympics 2012 with 81 team members and 836 officials. A mysterious woman wearing red ruined the Indian walk on the ground. Inside sources says that she was Suresh Kalmadi after sex change operation, sounds true as he was the most desperate to go for the Olympics. Manmohan Singh condemned the Guwahati molestation victim, such an easy job he have.
So here, I tried to summarize this week's hot news.
Newspaper headlines of the previous week:
(1). N.D. Tiwari bane adalat me papa, kaha desh ke liye KAAM karta rahunga.
(2). DTC killing 10 persons a month in New Delhi, let's resolve to do better.
(3). PM asked to broke his silence by the opposition, “No comments" he said.
(4). Rahul Gandhi wants to play a bigger role after blowing UP elections for Congress.
(5). Karunanidhi said his life is full of darkness, looked sad in his new goggles.
(6). Rohit Sharma is appointed as the new brand ambassador of "Gone In Sixty Seconds".
(7). Pranab Mukherjee won after getting 69% votes, politicians caught watching porn again.
(8). The dark knight Rises, so did the petrol prices in India.
(9). Tushaar Kapoor broke a record, Jeetendra is looking for his collection of Jagjeet Singh's gajhals.
(10). Congress to spent $300M to advertise lack of funds.
(11). Samsung to launch special smart tvs for deaf, 2000W power booster speakers inclusion for the first time in the world of TVs.
(12). Raja Bhaiya in jail again, this time for inspection.
(13). Saif Ali Khan saved a Star Fish from drowning, bade aaram se.
(14). CBI finally located the dead body of Bhanwari Devi, it's in a graveyard they says.
(15). Man died after committing suicide.
(16). Police confirmed, Talwar's fingerprint matched with the armless suspect.
(17). High Court rejected Suresh Kalmadi's petition for Olympics 2012, peaceful opening ceremony at London.
(18). Farmer help snake bite victim.
(19). Security guard robbed at night.
(20). Rahul Gandhi flies to UP to start his Pad-Yatra.
(21). Steve Jobs killed Abhishek bachchan in heaven when bragged about idea's heavenly apps.
(22). Tiger Woods denied to play with someone else's balls.
(23). Poet died after reading his own poem.
(24). Zuckerberg tweeted “I love Facebook".
(25). Student in coma after teacher's lecture.
(26). Blind man claims he saw an alien and a Kingfisher airways' plane flying in the sky.
(27). Cameraman involved in shooting at Mumbai says the Mumbai Police.
(28). Enormous fight between divorced husband and wife.
(29). POP appeals to prostitutes in Bangkok.
(30). Shahid kapoor won best female actor at Iifa.
(31). Indians beat Srilankans, Kumar Sangakkara fractured his arm.
(32). Chidambaram caught common man eating Ice-cream. Congress to protest against common men.
I'll end it here as 32 is my favorite number. Hope you had fun reading this. Thank you :)
Monday, July 30, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
The problems with alcohol.
Hello, welcome to FuddledAndPuzzled, I guess you all know why I chose this title. It kinda describes me. Talking about me, well, my every morning (Not every actually) starts with a "I'll quit drinking from today" in my head on my bed.
Alcohol is not a solvent for sure but it helps you forget the problem, that might sound like a solution but that isn't actually. Some might think that boozing makes life fun and enjoyable. But no, life and mangoes are kinda same my dear friends, if you want to enjoy it completely you'll have to get your hands dirty.
We also have a misconception about it that a drunk person never lie, but it's wrong, the first lie he start with is "No, I am totally fine" and then "Oh!! I can drive" and "Don't worry guys, I got your back". He keeps going on and on.
Alcohol is injurious to health as we all know, it's even written on every bottle of it. Though I feel that writing "Alcohol is injurious to health" on those bottles is quite similar to Pamela Anderson wearing a t-shirt with a "Don't stare at these" written on it.
Alcohol can even kill someone, just yesterday my friend got hit by a full bottle of it and almost died.
So, it is injurious to health, but I am gonna tell you how alcohol is more than injurious for your health, here are some of the reasons. Hope you guys will have a fun ride reading them, enjoy & cheers.
Consumption of alcohol:
(1) May lead you to believe that you are the best dancer dancing in the party.
(2) May lead you to believe that the hot girl sitting next to you in a bar is as high as you are and it's the perfect time to ask her out.
(3) May lead you to believe that even after a full bottle of vodka you are walking perfectly and acting handsomely normal.
(4) May lead you to believe that you are much more stronger than the bouncer.
(5) May lead you to believe that you are in love with the person accompanying you even if you hate him.
(6) May lead you to believe that you can sing better than the lead singer of the band playing in the bar.
(7) May lead you to believe that everyone around you are morons. And you should tell them that.
(8) May lead you to believe that you are not talking in the same way Javed Akhtar does.
(9) May lead you to believe that you are not shouting, you are just whispering it in the ear of your lovely friend.
(10) May lead you to believe that you didn't smacked the table, the table jumped from it's ground And smacked your hand.
(11) May lead you to believe that your female partner is totally enjoying your company and is not checking anyone else out.
(12) May lead you to believe that the jokes you are cracking are hilarious and the people not laughing on them are drunk ass.
(13) May lead you to believe that you can do better tricks than the bartender.
(14) May lead you to believe that your crush is dying for you to text her at 3am.
(15) May lead you to believe that the person you are making fun of is not behind you listening to you.
(16) May lead you to believe that you can seduce any girl just by touching her at her private parts.
(17) May lead you to believe that you can beat up 20 people at once.
(18) May lead you to believe that everyone else is just acting stupid because they are high.
(19) May lead you to believe that you are actually eating from your own plate.
(20) May lead you to believe that you can throw the used napkins straight into the dustbin which is 100 meters away.
(21) May lead you to believe that the woman you just smashed against just wanted to touch you because you are hot.
(22) May lead you to believe that you are rich enough to buy everyone an expensive drink.
(23) May lead you to believe that if you enter in the ladies toilet all the women inside will make love to you.
(24) May lead you to believe that the English you are speaking is as perfect as William Shekspere's.
(25) May lead you to believe that your life story is extra emotional and interesting so that everyone should stop talking and start listening to it.
And last but not the least:
May lead you to believe that the blog you just wrote is awesome and people are dying to read it.
So that's it, hope you liked the post. Don't drink and drive, better drive then drink and sleep right there. Thank you for reading. wish you a good day ahead. :)
Alcohol is not a solvent for sure but it helps you forget the problem, that might sound like a solution but that isn't actually. Some might think that boozing makes life fun and enjoyable. But no, life and mangoes are kinda same my dear friends, if you want to enjoy it completely you'll have to get your hands dirty.
We also have a misconception about it that a drunk person never lie, but it's wrong, the first lie he start with is "No, I am totally fine" and then "Oh!! I can drive" and "Don't worry guys, I got your back". He keeps going on and on.
Alcohol is injurious to health as we all know, it's even written on every bottle of it. Though I feel that writing "Alcohol is injurious to health" on those bottles is quite similar to Pamela Anderson wearing a t-shirt with a "Don't stare at these" written on it.
Alcohol can even kill someone, just yesterday my friend got hit by a full bottle of it and almost died.
So, it is injurious to health, but I am gonna tell you how alcohol is more than injurious for your health, here are some of the reasons. Hope you guys will have a fun ride reading them, enjoy & cheers.
Consumption of alcohol:
(1) May lead you to believe that you are the best dancer dancing in the party.
(2) May lead you to believe that the hot girl sitting next to you in a bar is as high as you are and it's the perfect time to ask her out.
(3) May lead you to believe that even after a full bottle of vodka you are walking perfectly and acting handsomely normal.
(4) May lead you to believe that you are much more stronger than the bouncer.
(5) May lead you to believe that you are in love with the person accompanying you even if you hate him.
(6) May lead you to believe that you can sing better than the lead singer of the band playing in the bar.
(7) May lead you to believe that everyone around you are morons. And you should tell them that.
(8) May lead you to believe that you are not talking in the same way Javed Akhtar does.
(9) May lead you to believe that you are not shouting, you are just whispering it in the ear of your lovely friend.
(10) May lead you to believe that you didn't smacked the table, the table jumped from it's ground And smacked your hand.
(11) May lead you to believe that your female partner is totally enjoying your company and is not checking anyone else out.
(12) May lead you to believe that the jokes you are cracking are hilarious and the people not laughing on them are drunk ass.
(13) May lead you to believe that you can do better tricks than the bartender.
(14) May lead you to believe that your crush is dying for you to text her at 3am.
(15) May lead you to believe that the person you are making fun of is not behind you listening to you.
(16) May lead you to believe that you can seduce any girl just by touching her at her private parts.
(17) May lead you to believe that you can beat up 20 people at once.
(18) May lead you to believe that everyone else is just acting stupid because they are high.
(19) May lead you to believe that you are actually eating from your own plate.
(20) May lead you to believe that you can throw the used napkins straight into the dustbin which is 100 meters away.
(21) May lead you to believe that the woman you just smashed against just wanted to touch you because you are hot.
(22) May lead you to believe that you are rich enough to buy everyone an expensive drink.
(23) May lead you to believe that if you enter in the ladies toilet all the women inside will make love to you.
(24) May lead you to believe that the English you are speaking is as perfect as William Shekspere's.
(25) May lead you to believe that your life story is extra emotional and interesting so that everyone should stop talking and start listening to it.
And last but not the least:
May lead you to believe that the blog you just wrote is awesome and people are dying to read it.
So that's it, hope you liked the post. Don't drink and drive, better drive then drink and sleep right there. Thank you for reading. wish you a good day ahead. :)
Labels:
ALcohol,
Drunk,
funny,
Funny drunk. Warnings.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
The Reality Show-ed.
Hello friends, I am fuddled again and today I am quite high. So for the first time I am trying to write something sensible. It's a story an that too an emotional one. Though I am unaware about the proper ways of story telling but I want to give it a try. So here it is:
"Tomorrow is the grand finale of the competition" Kabir was thinking. It was his big chance to make it large and worth living. He had this dream since he was a little kid and now the day has arrived. He was excited but nervous too at the same time. He already had his practice session with the music director provided by the production house of the show.
He decided to take a quick nap before rehearsal again just to relax a bit. He started thinking about the life which was awaiting for him. "I am going to be rich and all my dreams will come true after tomorrow" and this thought just stimulated him.
He was jaunting in this land of dreams, suddenly Ashmita, the other finalist, his only opponent and the only obstacle in the way of his success entered in his room.
Kabir had a secret crush on her since they first met at the show. He loved her passion for singing. They were both in the spotlight since the show began so slowly slowly as they got to know each other they became good friends. Kabir never told her about his secret feelings for the sake of the friendship and he was bit low on confidence. He belonged to a typical Indian middle class family, a father unable to work, a young sister and a complaining mother. On the other hand Ashmita belonged to a wealthy family. She was pretty, confident and a talented girl, so Kabir somewhere in his head had this thing that "I am not good enough for her, she will never chose me".
Ashmita broke the silence of the room as she said "Excited? Han Kabir?".
Kabir was kinda surprised to see her in his room this so he had to act normal but he did well and replied quite calmly "Yep, but a bit nervous too, how about you?"
Ashmita: Yeah, but I am more of a nervous than excited.
Kabir: How? This was your dream?
Ashmita: Yes, but I know I am gonna lose tomorrow.
Kabir: Be optimistic, you are a good singer, don't ruin it please.
Ashmita: Seriously, I know you will win, everyone knows you are a better singer than me. I am here in the finale because of public voting which my family managed. Now it all depends on me.
Her eyes were full of tears while she was saying this, she continued: And I know you will sing better than me and you will win. My dream will shatter and I'll have to go back and live the typical "GIRLY" life. My father gave me this last opportunity to perform on a platform like this, if I don't succeed this time I'll have to marry his friend's son. I was too stupid to accept papa's terms and conditions. Now she was crying literally.
Kabir was in a shock, he always seen Ashmita as a confident happy go lucky kinda girl but this was new for him. He finally decided to tell her about his family's conditions, like how it was his last chance too to fulfill his dream.
But she refused to understand, But you are a guy Kabir, there is a difference. You won't understand Kabir. I know I will never achieve what I wanted in life. And I know it's totally my fault. I was feeling devastated in my room and I had to share it with someone. Sorry, if I disturbed you, I didn't mean to.
She was about to leave the room.
"No no, it's okay. And please stop crying and don't feel bad. You will win" Kabir said with a fake smile on his face.
All night he was thinking about this incident, he couldn't sleep a minute. But at the end of the day he had something in his head which made him happy.
THE FINALE:
This was it, the judges called both the contestants on the stage. Both looked at each other. Ashmita stll looked deplorable, Kabir was smiling.
It was Ashmita's chance to sing first, Kabir went to the backstage. Ashmita sang well, all three judges were happy with her performance but they thought it was not as good as they expected.
Now it was Kabir's turn, he came on to the stage but refused to sing. Everyone was stunned there. All the judges, hosts and production people tried to convince him but he was stuck to his decision.
In the end they announced Ashmita as the winner of the show, because Kabir's sudden and unexpected back off.
Ashmita was so happy when she hold that big trophy and a check of 5 million. Kabir was also happy because somewhere in his head he knew "I also won something today, something even more bigger than my dreams".
In the evening when they were about to leave for their homes Kabir decided to express his feelings about her, he thought this would be the perfect time to propose her. When Ashmita was in her room and receiving a lot of congratulation calls from her friends and family, Kabir slowly walked into her room.
After a few minutes when she hung the phone, Kabir proposed her, he was on his knees and with all the courage he had, he said "Would you like to date me ma'am?".
Ashmita seemed prepared for it, she reacted immediately and replied "But I don't date LOSERS".
Stun silence, but broken soon by Ashmita's phone. Kabir was now leaving her room exhausted, destroyed and out of emotions. He heard her for the last time, she was talking on the phone "Yes my love, I WON".
"Tomorrow is the grand finale of the competition" Kabir was thinking. It was his big chance to make it large and worth living. He had this dream since he was a little kid and now the day has arrived. He was excited but nervous too at the same time. He already had his practice session with the music director provided by the production house of the show.
He decided to take a quick nap before rehearsal again just to relax a bit. He started thinking about the life which was awaiting for him. "I am going to be rich and all my dreams will come true after tomorrow" and this thought just stimulated him.
He was jaunting in this land of dreams, suddenly Ashmita, the other finalist, his only opponent and the only obstacle in the way of his success entered in his room.
Kabir had a secret crush on her since they first met at the show. He loved her passion for singing. They were both in the spotlight since the show began so slowly slowly as they got to know each other they became good friends. Kabir never told her about his secret feelings for the sake of the friendship and he was bit low on confidence. He belonged to a typical Indian middle class family, a father unable to work, a young sister and a complaining mother. On the other hand Ashmita belonged to a wealthy family. She was pretty, confident and a talented girl, so Kabir somewhere in his head had this thing that "I am not good enough for her, she will never chose me".
Ashmita broke the silence of the room as she said "Excited? Han Kabir?".
Kabir was kinda surprised to see her in his room this so he had to act normal but he did well and replied quite calmly "Yep, but a bit nervous too, how about you?"
Ashmita: Yeah, but I am more of a nervous than excited.
Kabir: How? This was your dream?
Ashmita: Yes, but I know I am gonna lose tomorrow.
Kabir: Be optimistic, you are a good singer, don't ruin it please.
Ashmita: Seriously, I know you will win, everyone knows you are a better singer than me. I am here in the finale because of public voting which my family managed. Now it all depends on me.
Her eyes were full of tears while she was saying this, she continued: And I know you will sing better than me and you will win. My dream will shatter and I'll have to go back and live the typical "GIRLY" life. My father gave me this last opportunity to perform on a platform like this, if I don't succeed this time I'll have to marry his friend's son. I was too stupid to accept papa's terms and conditions. Now she was crying literally.
Kabir was in a shock, he always seen Ashmita as a confident happy go lucky kinda girl but this was new for him. He finally decided to tell her about his family's conditions, like how it was his last chance too to fulfill his dream.
But she refused to understand, But you are a guy Kabir, there is a difference. You won't understand Kabir. I know I will never achieve what I wanted in life. And I know it's totally my fault. I was feeling devastated in my room and I had to share it with someone. Sorry, if I disturbed you, I didn't mean to.
She was about to leave the room.
"No no, it's okay. And please stop crying and don't feel bad. You will win" Kabir said with a fake smile on his face.
All night he was thinking about this incident, he couldn't sleep a minute. But at the end of the day he had something in his head which made him happy.
THE FINALE:
This was it, the judges called both the contestants on the stage. Both looked at each other. Ashmita stll looked deplorable, Kabir was smiling.
It was Ashmita's chance to sing first, Kabir went to the backstage. Ashmita sang well, all three judges were happy with her performance but they thought it was not as good as they expected.
Now it was Kabir's turn, he came on to the stage but refused to sing. Everyone was stunned there. All the judges, hosts and production people tried to convince him but he was stuck to his decision.
In the end they announced Ashmita as the winner of the show, because Kabir's sudden and unexpected back off.
Ashmita was so happy when she hold that big trophy and a check of 5 million. Kabir was also happy because somewhere in his head he knew "I also won something today, something even more bigger than my dreams".
In the evening when they were about to leave for their homes Kabir decided to express his feelings about her, he thought this would be the perfect time to propose her. When Ashmita was in her room and receiving a lot of congratulation calls from her friends and family, Kabir slowly walked into her room.
After a few minutes when she hung the phone, Kabir proposed her, he was on his knees and with all the courage he had, he said "Would you like to date me ma'am?".
Ashmita seemed prepared for it, she reacted immediately and replied "But I don't date LOSERS".
Stun silence, but broken soon by Ashmita's phone. Kabir was now leaving her room exhausted, destroyed and out of emotions. He heard her for the last time, she was talking on the phone "Yes my love, I WON".
Labels:
Story.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
TV vs Biwi.
Hi, welcome again. I know you saw the title and you were like "Oh damn, same old shit". But its not like that, the idea is old but I am gonna try and make something new out of it. Most importantly TV and Biwi are very precious parts of my life so I had to write about it. So, here I am. Hope you guys will have fun reading it.
Here are the few differences between TV and Biwi:
(1). TVs are available in SMART versions too.
(2). TV has a mute button.
(3). You can have sex with another woman in-front of your TV.
(4). When it comes to TVs, the FLAT ones are better than the curvy ones.
(5). Staring at TV relaxes you. While the later scares you.
(6). You can listen to the TV without getting pissed off.
(7). You can control a TV with a remote control while your wife can control you without using anything.
(8). Your TV never bitch about you to your neighbor's TV.
(9). There are exchange offers available on TVs.
(10). Well, you can turn on and turn off a TV anytime you want.
So this is my list of top 10 differences. Hope you liked it. Thank you for reading. :)
Here are the few differences between TV and Biwi:
(1). TVs are available in SMART versions too.
(2). TV has a mute button.
(3). You can have sex with another woman in-front of your TV.
(4). When it comes to TVs, the FLAT ones are better than the curvy ones.
(5). Staring at TV relaxes you. While the later scares you.
(6). You can listen to the TV without getting pissed off.
(7). You can control a TV with a remote control while your wife can control you without using anything.
(8). Your TV never bitch about you to your neighbor's TV.
(9). There are exchange offers available on TVs.
(10). Well, you can turn on and turn off a TV anytime you want.
So this is my list of top 10 differences. Hope you liked it. Thank you for reading. :)
Labels:
funny,
TV,
TV vs BIWI
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