The Idiot Box is idiot.

Hi, welcome again, It was a kinda busy and exhausted week for me, worked really hard at office yet argued with the boss so many times. I lamentably carried the office stress to home too which made it even worse. But now its weekend time and I want to press the F5 key of my life’s keyboard. So, I thought why not write a post as writing always makes you feel easy, comfy and happy (Unless you are writing in an exam hall.), so here I am, I’ve been watching TV a lot (especially after 10pm) in last few days because my wife stopped talking (It doesn't feel as good as it seems) to me after that “Office stress bomb exploded at home” incident.

Though we fight (Me and my wife) a lot over TV issues, just another day she asked me "Hey, What's on the TV?" and I said: "Dust" which you didn't cleaned properly and an alarm clock which still rings at 6PM for no particular reasons.

Because of all these petty fights I almost cried in my office one day when One of my colleagues asked me "What do you prefer to watch on TV, Sports Center or Desperate Housewives?" and I had to answer it with a "Well buddy, I prefer Sports Center but I watch Desperate Housewives".

This idiot box called TV influence people in a bad way nowadays, yes, that's what the so called EXPERIENCED and SIR KNOWS-A-LOT says. One such person once asked me "What is your views about sex on TV?" and he got very angry when I replied "Didn't tried it yet, though I've an experience of sex on dining table, it was pretty good".

Enough of gabbling I guess, so here we go, straight to the point:




An enormous amount of TV shows goes on air everyday. Most of them are really annoying. This is what I’ve observed from the Idiot Box or the Box every Idiot stare at.


Note: Please click on the pictures for a larger view.






(1). CID & Comedy Circus: The biggest crime in the world is to call CID a crime show and Comedy Circus a comedy show. Solution is that both should switch the titles.





(2). Jhalak Dikhlaja: Well, if Jayasuriya is participating then “Jhalak Dikhlaja” is not an appropriate title for the show.



(3). Roadies: A show where losers (Eliminated Contestants) decide the winner.





(4). Splitsvilla: Girl contestants= Not pretty + Too dumb = Pretty dumb.
Boy contestants= All I can say is that all the boys are beautiful.


(5). And then this one guy asked me “What is the difference between MasterChef and Indian Idol?” and I said “MasterChef me sirf contestant PAKATE hain,judge nahi.”



(6). Sansani: Show presented by a guy who has a pony tail but have no tale to tell. Confusing? Yep, that’s what the show is all about.



(7). And yes, on Star World in every serial (Almost) there is a lead character who is always “Drunk, hungry and horny”. For example Charlie Harper, Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin. Meanwhile on Star Plus every lead character is always “Sad, lonely and Screwed”.



(8). Dance India Dance: I strongly feel that the kid dancers should respect Mithun Da a little more and should call him “DadaJee” instead of just “Dada”.



(9). BTW which channel is Mithun Da’s favorite? …….. DISCO-VERY.




(10). KBC: This show is about your GK and a bit about your luck. You can win big money if you are lucky and talented. But the height of bad luck is: when you go to KBC and you use a lifeline called "Audience Poll" and then you look around and find out that "All the ex contestants of Roadies are in audience".




(11). Sa-Re-Ga-Ma-Pa: Another talent hunt show where contestants fight for the title and the judges fight for ……err……TRP maybe.




(12). Plus I’ve learned that the most common judge in these talent hunt shows is our very own gold showroom Bappi Lahiri. Well, I strongly feel that if Bappi Da ever do something great in music, they should give him a “Kilo-Grammy award”. Yes, he deserves that.




(13). Indian Idol: The title really suits one of the judges very much. For Anu Malik it had been a nice journey from: Idol >> I-Dull >>> Idle.




(14). Coffee With Karan: It’s a nice chat show actually called Coffee With Karan where people want to be Cocky with Karan. And FYI the greatest film critic Taran Adarsh is also shooting for a talk show based on the same theme. The title of the show is “Toffee With Taran”.




(15).Every show on LifeOk: Ironically the channel’s name is LIFE OK. Wth!!




(16). Satyamev Jayate: Epic effort by Aamir Khan. Spreading awareness a lot, especially for our politicians, so they watch it every Sunday and then they pass a bill or make a law every Monday.




(17). Emotional Atyachar: One advice: You are too ugly to have such rich and smart companion. So know this fact “It’s a TRAP knucklehead”.




(18).Every daily soap on Indian television: The characters, they never get old, they just get more annoying day by day.



(19). Sach Ka Saamna: No, facing the truth is not that tough but facing the host Rajeev Khandelwal’s acting is quite a challenge.



(20). Jersey Shore: Last thing they can feature on this show is “Porn”. The very reason people stopped watching FTV Midnight Hot.



(21). Two and a half men: Man1= Charlie Harper. Man2 = Berta. Half man = Jake. Alan Harper = Forever alone. (I know its lame but this one is my favorite show, couldn’t control myself).




(22). Bigg Boss: I wonder why the production house spend so much and work so hard to find “Rapists, Dacoits, Porn Lovers, Unsuccessful Actors, Thieves, Dhongi Babas, Liars, Cheaters and thugs”, when they can easily find them all under one roof .Our parliament. It could save their time and money both.



(23). Bade Acche Lagte hain: Wasn't surprised to see Ram Kapoor playing the main role in this serial.




So, don’t watch TV too much, give some time to your life too. Turn it off and live. Hope you enjoyed the post and it made you laugh a bit. Thank you for reading. Take care. :)

My nominations for president.

Hi, so the latest thing which is making news is this President thingy in India. Though Pratibha Patil has been so great as the president of India and she did her job quite perfectly. For example she congratulated all the Indian sportsperson who won something in their fields. She condemned every tragedy happened in this country strongly. Though that's Manmohan's job but still she played a handy supportive role. although Pratibha's only pratibha was to make tea. But yet she went to almost 35 foreign tours for nothing, she spend taxpayers' money like it was her Grandpa's death gift to her and she preached twice a year. And that's all we expect from a president in India. She is India's first woman president and she followed the mantra very well "Why should boys have all the fun" and SHE HAD A LOTS OF FUN. But as we all know it's time she leave and let someone else have some fun.

So now when we need a new president, every politician is recommending some names for the job. Till now there are almost 50 people in the race for president's post. And its quite confusing for the people of India. "Why don't they discuss it properly and chose one capable person for the job?" Everyone is murmuring this question nowadays, well welcome to India. All this drama is happening so I decided to join in with my nomination list. People who made it in my list are really capable and suitable persons for this job. Have a look.

If we choose one of these = Profit for India. 

(1). Sachin Tendulkar: At least he will not ask for a retire home. 

(2). Rahul Gandhi: This guy is so good at Pad-Yatras, so he can visit all the countries walking. Savings for country. 

(3). Manmohan Singh: Dumb enough for the job, and his silence will make sense if he gets appointed as our president. 

(4). Pranab Mukherjee: India will be relieved from his annoying accent. Well, almost.

(5). P. Chidambaram: Just because his dressing style is quite similar to the recent president Pratibha Patil. 

(6).Swami Nityanada: All the politicians will stop watching porn in assembly instead they will visit the president house more frequently. 

(7). Ajmal Kasab: Him having biryani will not be shocking for us Indians. 

(8). S.M.Krishana: While visiting all the foreign countries he'd be able watch more Tennis matches wasting taxpayers money. And that will be great for the sport. 

(9). Poonam Pandey: Hopefully, she will stop uploading her naked pictures, less embarrassment for us while surfing Internet. 

(10). N.D.Tiwari: Perfect for the job. Oh wait! He likes different kind of jobs. Hand-Jobs, blow-Jobs etc etc. 

(11). Simmi Grewal: There in only one reason. To become the president of India, you need to be very very old. (There are 5 men in the running for the post of President of India. The youngest is 75 and their combined age 392). And Simmi is one woman who welcomed Adam and Eve. 

(12). Ashish Nehra: Again quite similar to the recent president, ruins it all at the very end. 

(13). Ranbir Kapoor: He is experienced, earlier he was the president of Happy Club. 

(14). My maid: She also cooks very nice tea bhai. So why not?.

(15). Arnab Goswami: People will stop complaining about "Why the president remains silent all the time?".

(16). Anu Mallik: He is Idle. And that's what we need.

(17). Suresh Kalmadi: He is also very good at organizing TEA PARTIES. He even did it in jail.

(18). Sharad Pawar: He could make a great president just like Vladimir Putin, only difference is that Putin have black belt and Pawar have black money. 

And yeah I am also very suitable person for this job as I am really very good at doing nothing. 

So this was it, hope you guys enjoyed it. Take care. :) 

One Facebook friend.

So, its Friday night again and I update my blog on Friday nights most of the time. I like to Fry your brains on Fridays. Ha!! I am a very lazy person so I won't greet you with 'Good Morning' or 'Good Evening'. Another reason because I don't greet people with 'Good Morning" is that I strongly believe that 'Good Morning' is an oxymoron. But we are not here to talk about Mornings and all. We are here to talk about Facebook friends. As we all know friends are very important ingredients in the dish called LIFE. Same theory goes with the imaginary but lovable Facebook friends of ours.



Enough, I've blabbed a lot already. I've observed one thing while killing time on Facebook that we all have this one friend :

(1). Who suddenly appears from nowhere when a Girl updates something. Makes a nice comment, wait for the girl's reply all night long, likes the girl's reply (Which usually looks like this = :))and then thank her for the affirmative reply.

(2). Who wishes you on your birthday by spamming your wall with something which looks like this “HBD”. Next thing you expect from such people is “Gimme $10 and I will wish you birthday properly, gimme 20 and I will dedicate a whole status to you!!”. Extra charges for Poems.

(3). Changes his/her DP thrice in the daytime and then switch back to the usual one (The only good picture S/he got in all his/her life) later in the evening.

(4). Who is 24*7 online, if you have posted something good, this guy will like it in like 10 seconds. If S/He doesn’t like it , know this fact “Your post is not good enough”. You can call them Units of measures. Plus if you don't see such guys online for 3,4 consecutive hours, you should call them and check whether they are alive or not. Because these friends goes offline only because of two reasons (a) They are dead. (b) Their internet is dead.

(5). Who tells you everyday the same thing “My exams are going on and I don’t know which book I need to buy, I don’t know what to do”. Well, first you need to get rid of this FACEBOOK, go study and if you can’t do that then do one thing GO BITE A DOG. I'm sure that will help. Though next day S/he will upload a picture of him/her biting a DOG.

(6). Who uploads pictures of his/her childhood. For obvious reasons. Even I was cute when I was THREE.
(7). Who updates Song Lyrics as status updates, Well yes, when I read your statuses I feel like dancing.

(8). Who tags you in pictures of “Eminem, Sunrise, Sunset, Flowers, Birthday Cakes, Cats, Dogs and the worst His/Her self-clicked own face’s pictures”. And you are like "Where I am in this picture?"......Look carefully, you are right there, beneath Eminem's penis.

(9). Who always screw your posts by commenting some sentimental shit.

(10). Who screws your movie plans by posting “Kahani was awesome, and the way Vidya killed her husband was just brilliant”. 5 out of 5 stars. Well, thank you Taran Adarsh.

(11). Who is on Facebook just to answer random questions like “Which letter your name starts with?, What’s your zodiac sign? What the hell is wrong with you? How many eyes do you have?”. And your TL is full of ABC answered this nonsense question with a YES.

(12). Who is like God, you are never sure about his/her existence.

(13).Who sends you App/Game requests, doesn’t matter how many time you ignore those requests, they just keep coming. These people are mostly Tweeter Celebs. There is not much to do on the Twitter. Simple.

(14). Who keeps inviting you to useless EVENTS. Even when they know that you live in 
Mumbai and you are not stupid enough to go to Jammu for a book worth Rs 56/-. They'll still invite you. To add the torture they keep posting on the EVENT page "3 Days to go....2 Days to go....5 minutes to go.....25 seconds to go".

(15). Who is totally FAKE and you know it. But still you never delete him/her. Because everything is e-legal on the Internet.

(16). Who updates enormous amount of statuses in a day, and you are like "Dude, give yourself a break or at least give us a break".

(17). Who likes his/her own posts, even though its like fantasizing yourself while masturbating.

(18). Who spam your wall just to attain some traffic on his blog.:P

(19). Who always shows up with >> ??????? and the voice in your head whispers "Careful, Sheldon is awake now".

(20). Who wakes up at 5 am everyday and posts “Good Morning Guys”. After reading this all the chickens wake up and starts chirruping.

BONUS:

(A). Three most used album names on Facebook are:

(1). Me!
(2). Meeeeee!!
(3). Mobile Uploads.

(B). The way one changes his/her relationship status:

In a relationship........Single.......It's complicated. Well, it surely is buddy.

(C). Most used fake DP:



So this was my list, though I think there are many more types but it's 2 am and I am feeling sleepy. So, thank you for reading and have a good weekend ahead. :)